When Fan Girls Attack!
by King Bowser Forever
Summary: The secret location of the Smash Mansion has been found. Fan Girls are rampaging. All of their favorite male Heroes couped up in one mansion with no escape. But they HAVE to; When Fan Girls Attack!
1. Before the Attack Began Part 1

What's up

_**What's up? So…comedy? I can try.**_

_**Attack of the Fan Girls! Chapter 1**_

_**Before the Attack Began**_

It was a day and a night before the worst, and most horrifying, attack on the Smashers ever. Most had been in bed snoring the night away, maybe except for Wolf, who liked to stay up late and watch television, or Meta Knight who sat and read all day, waiting for morning's light to wake them when they didn't want to be woken; which caused a symphony of moaning, groaning, and butt-scratching for the morning's waking bell. Especially Snake, who slept in his box on the hard floor.

A loud knocking could be heard echoing throughout hallways and into dormitories, but most ignored it and continued to blow mucus bubbles and drool on a pillow. Link was the only one who was not rude and decided to answer it.

Walking in green bunny pajamas with a hat and set of slippers to match, he steadily gained momentum and began to make the quest to answer the door. Gee, another quest.

Of course, the walk was long, but he'd been half asleep on the way there, so it didn't matter. Link bumped into shelves and vases, knocking down and breaking them, but continued to ignore it all as everyone else did. His legs were very strong, since he had to run more than usual in his other life, but he just couldn't get any kind of speed.

Finally, the front door. He reached slowly for the first lock, out of five. It took a few more seconds, but the door was unlocked now.

"Eh…?" Link asked. Being unable to say anything was a burden, but it always helped when talking to females.

No one person responded to Link's call. He reached for the handle of the door, but it was swung open in an instant, throwing his hand back at his face, and ensuing pain. He rubbed his nose and replied with somewhat of an "Ouch", and looked at the dark figure in front of him, glaring with red eyes in the dark night.

Link froze with sudden fear, he was already dead as he was, but now Link was shaken a bit. He wished he had his sword; no, he has something better. The Triforce of Courage!

Link's hand shined brightly, and he immediately gained enough courage to stand tall and face the evildoer giving him the stare he hated so much.

"Haaah!" He shouted, and readied himself, burying a splinter he refused to pull loose in a balled fist.

And wailed furiously. The splinter caused pain.

"Aww, poor Link!" The figure bent down at the floor-ridden elf. It was a woman…"Let me fix that for you!"

Link quickly gasped, but was taken aback by a ferocious tackle to his stomach. He could feel pain coming from his head, but how?

He quickly shoved the woman now ripping some hairs off of his head to the ground. Now Link looked like a mess, and he wasn't too happy; but it wasn't his turn to tackle back. Once again, she threw him to the ground and took a slipper from his long feet, and sniffed it, long and hard.

"I got some hair and his sleeping hat!" She picked it up from her side. "AND his slipper!

Link wanted to throw up, and also run away screaming. He only did the second.

"HAAA AHHAH HAAAAAAA!!"

Now everyone was awake. The mansion shook with rumbling and fast marching towards where the screaming came from. Link continued to cry and stumble over everything in his path.

This was almost as bad as Midna and the Naggy Fairy combined.

"Link! What's wrong!?" The first to find him was Zelda, since her room was the closest to the front door. "What happened to your hair!?" She stared in horror at his new hairstyle. "Oh…yes…that's right…you can't talk…"

"HAA ha SCHAAA NYAH!" He screamed in her face, and created hot air like a steamroller. It seemed there was something about her that didn't please him either, having some kind of facial treatment on and some substitute for cucumbers.

"Aww, did little Link wet the bed again?" Ganondorf, the second to arrive, ignorantly questioned Link. Link was about to protest with random words, which would probably be used to curse Ganondorf out, but Zelda interrupted.

"Ganon, why don't you go back to bed and keep being a perverted old-

And once more, Zelda was stopped by everyone else in the Mansion, who tripped and almost took Ganondorf all the way to the nearest hospital.

"What happened here!" Master Hand, on top of the pileup, spoke first to keep chaotic shouting away. For some reason, he had a sock on his pinky finger and a white hat labeled "MH" on the middle finger.

Link started to shout again, though no one understood.

"Can we get subtitles or something for him!? Geez…and shut up now, please!" Peach requested through the crowd, annoyed. Link glared with utter hate for she, and all women as well.

"Well, if Link can't tell us what happened, then how're we going to solve the problem?" Master Hand asked, confused. It was all pointless from any view, since the criminal ran away and took evidence instead of leaving it.

"What!? I got out of bed for NOTHING!"  
"You freakin suck, dude…I was having the best dream!"

"LOSER! You disappoint me as a smasher!"

Everyone left, pissed and grumpy as ever. Link was going to have a hard time in the morning. Unfortunatley…morning already came.


	2. Before the Attack Began Part 2

Thanks to my reviewers for the advice and comments

Thanks to my reviewers for the advice and comments. I try.  I don't use "OMFG WHAT DO THESE WORDS MEAN" words, but I do add some in from time to time. I don't think it matters, now does it? I'm no big author, I writes for fun.  Then again, most people do.

This is basically a filler, I had no idea on what to write.

_**When Fan Girls Attack!**_

_**Chapter 2: It's Too Hot for Complaints**_

It's morning, around eleven A.M. One day from the attack that almost led to a catastrophic disaster.

Today was a boring day. It was summer, too hot outside today to do anything, even in a fresh, cool spring of water outside in the Mansion's huge backyard rising from a hole in the ground. Septic tank water, it's more refreshing than it sounds on a one-hundred-three degree day.

Falco, too breathless and scorching hot to doze off and sleep the humid day away, decided to have some cold cereal. He hoped sitting it in the freezer would make it much colder, but it failed. He wasn't really eating it; just sipping the milk and picking with the cheap, off-brand Froot Lumps surfing around the bowl. They didn't taste too good to him anyway.

"It's soooo…hot…" Falco murmured, breathing through his mouth instead of beak. (Do birds have nostrils!? Wait…) He began to frustrate himself, "It's so…HOT!! WHY does the freaking air conditioner have to be broken!?" and slammed face forward onto the glass table he sat at, cracking it, and startling the rest of the smashers in a nearby room. Pain was better than heat, in this situation.

Everyone rested in one room, wondering "How can the Earth stand heat like this?" or something about global warming. They were all crunched together in a smallish exercise room, with a pool next door. Everyone was too lazy and hot to fill it. Falco hadn't wanted to be stuck in the middle of more than twenty stinky, musty people with fans blowing the polluted air back at each other, especially with Wario in there.

"What's wrong with you?" Wolf asked, jutting around the corner. His fur was wet with his, and others' sweat; which made him feel somewhat cooler. Falco stared blankly.

"Oh nothing, I'm just so hot that pissing on myself would seem like a great idea to get cooler," Falco explained harshly, "oh and let's not forget the conditioner's broken!" He lied back in his chair and shut his eyes to relieve anger.

"Oh come on, don't be such a pussy, take it like a man."

Falco quickly opened his eyes and gave a wild glare at Wolf.

"What?"

…

"What!?"

"Nothing."

"This wouldn't of happened if it wasn't for DIDDY!" Wolf screamed, obviously to impose guilt, and hot air.

"It wasn't my fault!" Diddy, stuck in-between some rainbow plants and someone's sword, tried to explain, "How was I supposed to know a banana would short out the electricity!?" The sound was muffled, but just barely heard over deep breathing.

"Anyway, we should probably try finding a way to fix it, right?" Wolf asked. Falco shrugged, hopped off of his chair, and sighed in displeasure.

"Mario's a plumber. Maybe he can help?"

"I'm not-a-BGE you idiots! Or any other company that works with crap-a-like that!"

"Ooo…kay…I guess I'll call for help…" Pessimistic Falco suggested, and reached for a nearby phone.

"Oooh, let's order a PIZZA!" Toon Link stupidly suggested as well. Falco wasn't too happy at the moment, and he was making things worse. Why could he talk and not his older self anyway!?

"Shut up before I shoot you! What number do I-

There was no dial tone. He turned the phone off and on again, but still nothing.

"How is there no dial tone? Hey Hand, did you forget to pay the bill AGAIN!?"

"…"

"…Maybe. Wait, I'm in the pile? So THAT'S why it smells like it does! And I'm bleeding from being stabbed!" Everyone moved around and shuffled the pile somewhere else, leaving the bloodied, hand-less glove alone.

"GAH!!"

Screamed Falco, and broke the phone after throwing it away. Wolf stared bluntly, disapproving of Falco's new behavior. That would usually be him screaming in someone's ear and complaining like Peach.

"Calm down, idiot. This'll all be over tomorrow, when it's like eighty-nine degrees."

"That's still a little hot. WAIT!" Falco realized something.

"So THAT'S why none of the electricity is working, why the freezer isn't working, and why my milk tasted so outdated!"

"AND why none of the FANS are working!" Toon Link exclaimed, to add onto Falco's slow moment of stupidity. "Wait…hey guys, the fans aren't working."

"…Oh." Everyone else remembered, in their state of low esteem.

"So this wasn't my fault at all!" Diddy screamed again.

"No, but you still broke it!" Falco retorted.

"Right…So this wasn't my fault at all!" Falco felt like cutting himself to death.

"Oh, and the security system's malfunctioned and we can't fix it now, so there's no way to get out of the mansion besides breaking through a window, but they automatically reappear because of the DAMN system."

Later that day…Fox saved Falco from hanging himself.

_**Ended this one so suddenly because I had no inspiration, but the attack starts next chapter, so I will make it, and those after, longer, also MOAR random and crackish? I like reviews, too! Oh, and one more thing. Any reviewer can be requested to star as a fan girl! (Or fan boy, homosexual or not, lawl. Just give me a name.)**_

_**OM NOM NOM OM NOM**_


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